Grow Your Self-Esteem

What does the term having good self-esteem mean? How is it developed? These are questions I have been asking myself recently. In Wikipedia a description of self-esteem starts this way:  “In sociology and psychology, self-esteem reflects a person’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth.” How do we know our own self-worth?

The journey of self-esteem often starts with asking, “What words am I saying to myself? What stories are running through my head about me?” If the stories and thoughts are negative, you have a clue as to what you need to do. Change the story! Turn the page and look for a better one. The words we tell ourselves are what we come to believe. Often they are words we have heard from childhood or more recently from someone in our life that matters to us.

Remember, the words you tell yourself are solely your responsibility.

You choose your thoughts when you live consciously or even when living on auto-pilot, because not living consciously is a choice. I have found that the choices I make moment-to-moment impact my life in big ways. It can raise or lower my self-esteem in an instant.

Your self-esteem will be lowered if you do this one simple thing and you probably do it every day without thinking much about it. Do you know what it is? It is simple, yet it profoundly impacts you. Have you guessed what it is? It is; not keeping promises to you! Again it is your choice. It is easy to not keep promises you make to yourself!  Let’s face it, who will know? These promises were only made to yourself and you can always justify a reason to not keep them. Am I right?  If day in and day out you keep breaking promises you make to yourself your self-esteem will suffer.

You know the kind of promises I mean. I will eat healthy, I will exercise more, I will practice good self-care, I will say kind words and not react negatively, I will leave a job I hate, I will not drink so much, I will have more fun, etc. The list is endless. Only you know what your list is. I have used my Coach to assist me in being accountable to promises I make to myself. Having an accountability partner works wonders. You may want to hire a Coach or have a friend assist you in accountability. After all, I know you are worth it!

By Coach Judith McCool



28-Days of Self-Love (Day 28 Love Letter to Self)

“It`s not your job to like me – it`s mine.” – Byron Katie

Write yourself a love letter? What a profound idea!!! And if a single letter is a good idea, how about a self-love letter daily for 30 days?

Wow! Imagine what that would do for your self-esteem, for your self-love and for your very life! What might change if you felt appreciated, loved, and cared for by the most important person in the world…YOU?

To commit and follow through on a self-love letter daily for 30-days will take stamina, grit and precious self-love. Are you up for it? Of course you are. You are a woman who has taken the time to read 28-days of self-love. You have done the work and you are ready for the next step.

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”  – Buddha

I have added a couple of short self-love letters below for inspiration although I know yours will be even more powerful.

Dear Mary,

You are a powerful woman who knows how to be present even when the world spins out of control like it did today at work. Everyone gets off balance somedays but you come back quicker than most and I am proud of your stamina.

Your heart was open today when others asked for support…I really love that about you.

Your dreams are bigger than most, yet you take at least one action step toward them each day…kudos!

Love, Mary

Dear Jane,

I was so impressed that you said yes today even when your heart raced fast and you felt like you might faint…do not worry, no one noticed. You did not let your fear of public speaking damper your dreams. I want to tell you that you are awesome! And your speech is going to be great.

You took your son to the zoo today when you would rather have stayed home with your feet up. He was so happy and you made that happen. You rock his world.

Thanks for taking the time to write your gratitude list each night because it reminds you of what a great life you have. You amaze me!

Love, Jane

Now go write yourself a self-love letter…write for a full 30-days and see what changes in your life!

I hope you have enjoyed our 28-day journey of self-love and check my blog often for more posts about women who want to live bold and beautiful lives.  Hugs, Coach Judith

“Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it.”  – Thaddeus Golas

By Coach Judith McCool

28-Days of Self-Love (Day 27 Come Alive)

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~ Dr. Howard Thurman

What makes you come alive? I adore this question because it commands you to stop and look at your life honestly!  Don’t be hard on yourself if the answer doesn’t come easily. We have been conditioned to do our work, feed our family and set our dreams on the back burner.

BUT just for today I will ask you this hard question,

“What makes YOU come alive?”


If you are not sure take your journal and answer the following questions!

  • What do I like most about myself?
  • What are three of my greatest strengths?
  • My heart races faster when ____________!
  • When I live in integrity I am easily able to _____________!
  • What would make me excited to get out of bed each day?
  • I know I can reach the stars, but what is stopping me from touching the moon?
  • When someone writes my eulogy, what do I most want them to be able to say about my life?
  • If I could start over …what would I become now?
  • Who will benefit from me coming fully alive?

When you finish your journal and you have a clearer picture of what makes you come alive…go do that….Come Alive! I invite you to fully express yourself without worry of what others might think or say…this is true self-love.

“It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.” – Leonardo da Vinci

By Coach Judith McCool

28-Days of Self-Love (Day 26 Invest in YOU)

“With every experience, you alone are painting your own canvas, thought by thought, choice by choice.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

Choose joy, choose passion, and choose self-love!

Too often I see women spending money on every member of the family and not on herself. Believe me I have been there. One of my favorite purchases when I was learning this lesson was a large pack of colored markers that I used to doodle in my journal. Buying beautiful journals and colorful markers delighted my very soul.

When you invest in something that brings you joy, you are announcing to the universe that you are ready for self-love. Remember you are not taking away from others to spend on yourself; you are simply dividing the revenue more equally. Bring more joy into your life and purchase something that stimulates your senses and fills your heart with delight.

You are worth it!

Examples of things I purchase for the joy of it:

  • Essential oils (lavender, eucalypts and spearmint are my favorites)
  • Beautiful Journals and fancy pens or markers
  • Small bottles of perfume
  • Scented lotions
  • Weekend Getaway
  • New electronic device
  • Inspirational books
  • Angel statues (I adore everything angel)
  • Sparkly earrings
  • Flowers
  • Vacation to foreign land (I love to travel)
  • New bathing suit (summer)
  • Now you come up with your list!!!

“Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

By Coach Judith McCool          

28-Days of Self-Love (Day 25 Stretch Your Wings)

“Come to the edge,” he said.
“We can’t, we’re afraid!” they responded.
“Come to the edge,” he said.
“We can’t, We will fall!” they responded.
“Come to the edge,” he said.
And so they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.”
― Guillaume Apollinaire

“When you cannot find solid ground beneath your feet, it is because you are being taught to fly.” These words hang in a picture over my desk. The picture has an eagle soaring high over mountain peaks which was a gift from a dear friend. She wrote on the back, “I saw this at an arts and crafts show in Estes Park and when I started explaining to the girl why it was perfect for you, I began to cry.” She was telling me I had learned to fly!! This gift is a decade old, yet the meaning is still so strong.

In the preceding years I had gone through numerous transitions and she had been my parachute whenever my wings had failed. During these years I also had my own professional coach who supported my transitions and assisted me to love ME! That was the best investment I ever made in myself. We worked together for five years. And I still work with a coach now.


Learning to live in self-love often feels like learning to fly. It can feel safer to never take off. I completely understand because I have felt these very things. Safety, comfort, and predictability are enticing, but by staying in your comfort zone you never get to feel the exhilaration of the mighty wind beneath your wings.

When first learning to fly you often need a parachute. If you are looking for that kind of support in your life then you may want to ask a friend or hire a professional coach to be your guide. To support you to develop your personal foundation and to become all that you know you can be. Come to the edge and fly!

By Coach Judith McCool

28-Days of Self-Love (Day 24 Wild Fun)

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw

Do you play? Play expands your Self-Love!

How often do you give yourself permission to have WILD FUN? Wondrously magical wild fun! If you are like most women I know, then probably not often enough. Play is not wasted time because it fosters joy, better health, improved mood, and supports all parts of you to come alive!  It helps you to be fully present with your life. When you play your creativity expands, your heart opens, and your joy explodes! Do you really know a better use of your precious time?

The wonderful things in life are often over looked. We tell ourselves we will fully live and fully love when we have more time. We will have wild fun when we retire. After all, then we will have time. The truth is you have the same 24 hours in your day as the person who plays regularly. The difference is they understand the importance of scheduling themselves into their life. This is your wonderful precious life…come fully alive Now! Don’t waste another second. Discover your passion and follow your heart.

When we take the time to play we allow all of our senses to open to amazing possibilities. Our creativity is activated which often sparks new original ideas that can expand into life changing opportunities. No play time is not wasted time. Begin having wild fun now!

“The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct.” – Carl Jung

Play things to do:

  • Roller or ice skate. (Glide your way to fun)
  • Play hide and seek. (with kids, adults or your dog)
  • Board games (remember Monopoly fun?)
  • Make a snowman (winter)
  • Hula Hoop (Yes, it is making a comeback)
  • Climb (A rock wall or a mountain)
  • Zip line (My bucket list item I will do in the Spring)
  • Water park (Slide into the water with the thrill of the splash)
  • Bike (remember how it felt racing downhill?)
  • Dance (make up your own moves…you have a dancer inside)
  • And so much more!

Please let me know what you do for play. I would love to hear from YOU!

By Coach Judith McCool


28-Days of Self-Love (Day 23 Self-Talk Matters)

“The mind is everything. What you think you become.”―Buddha

Never underestimate the power of your thoughts. Have you ever noticed on days when you are rushing to work, and you misplace your car keys or cannot find your purse, that everything from that point on goes wrong? This leaves you saying, “I had a crappy day, absolutely everything went wrong!”

Part of the reason this happens is that once you start going down the rabbit hole, you automatically believe the rest of your day will also go wrong. Listen to your thoughts. You look at the clock and think about what your boss will say when you are late again. Anxiety starts to rise. Then one thing after the other does go wrong. You are in an unwanted pattern of negative thought and negative feelings.

Or how about when you tell your friends over and over that you will never find your soul- mate…magically he never appears. Gee I wonder why? Your thoughts carry power and the words you say to others do also. If you want to create something in your life, such as a better job or more money, first start by believing. Act as if you already have it or at least that it is on the way.

Believe it yourself by using positive self-talk. In other words empower yourself with positive affirmations. Affirmations are words you say over and over to yourself until your subconscious believes it…make it so!

Example of Positive Affirmations:

  • I am beautiful.
  • I am worthy.
  • My life matters.
  • I am living in abundance.
  • Money flows to me easily.
  • I am having a fabulous day.
  • I fill myself with love.
  • I open my heart to new love.
  • My kind and handsome soul-mate is on his way soon!
  • I am safe.
  • I have more than I need. (so I can share with others)
  • Opportunities flow to me now.
  • I love my career.
  • My salary doubles each year.
  • (Looking in the mirror) I love you!

On and on! Make up your own affirmations. Make them short because the subconscious does not reason. Your subconscious works like a computer, facts in facts out! What you tell yourself about you and your life does matter. Begin today to live in the positive. Believe in YOU!

Tell yourself how much you love you…YES, self-love matters!

By Coach Judith McCool