Tag Archives: self-esteem

Grow Your Self-Esteem

What does the term having good self-esteem mean? How is it developed? These are questions I have been asking myself recently. In Wikipedia a description of self-esteem starts this way:  “In sociology and psychology, self-esteem reflects a person’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth.” How do we know our own self-worth?

The journey of self-esteem often starts with asking, “What words am I saying to myself? What stories are running through my head about me?” If the stories and thoughts are negative, you have a clue as to what you need to do. Change the story! Turn the page and look for a better one. The words we tell ourselves are what we come to believe. Often they are words we have heard from childhood or more recently from someone in our life that matters to us.

Remember, the words you tell yourself are solely your responsibility.

You choose your thoughts when you live consciously or even when living on auto-pilot, because not living consciously is a choice. I have found that the choices I make moment-to-moment impact my life in big ways. It can raise or lower my self-esteem in an instant.

Your self-esteem will be lowered if you do this one simple thing and you probably do it every day without thinking much about it. Do you know what it is? It is simple, yet it profoundly impacts you. Have you guessed what it is? It is; not keeping promises to you! Again it is your choice. It is easy to not keep promises you make to yourself!  Let’s face it, who will know? These promises were only made to yourself and you can always justify a reason to not keep them. Am I right?  If day in and day out you keep breaking promises you make to yourself your self-esteem will suffer.

You know the kind of promises I mean. I will eat healthy, I will exercise more, I will practice good self-care, I will say kind words and not react negatively, I will leave a job I hate, I will not drink so much, I will have more fun, etc. The list is endless. Only you know what your list is. I have used my Coach to assist me in being accountable to promises I make to myself. Having an accountability partner works wonders. You may want to hire a Coach or have a friend assist you in accountability. After all, I know you are worth it!

By Coach Judith McCool

 

 

Good Girls Don’t Lie

10063205_s.jpg Truth LiesGood girls don’t lie, period, or so I thought. I never lie because when I was young my mother drummed into me a very powerful message…”never lie to anyone!”  Over and over in more ways than you can imagine this message was reiterated. Finally, I got it… never lie… so I didn’t! Even when Easter Sunday rolled around and I was asked, “Do you like my hat?” You know the kind I mean, the ones with feathers and flowers sticking out every which way. They look more like they belong on a garden wall than on someone’s head. I won’t go into details about what happened that day, let’s just say my mother then taught me to discern how I expressed my truth.

Years later, I knew without a doubt that I was still a very honest person. If anyone challenged me on my honesty, I always stood firm and expressed loudly, “I never lie.” And I honestly believed that. But, that was then, and this is now! It reminds me of the quote from Oprah Winfrey, “When you know better …you do better.”  I started noticing an exception to my honesty.  I was not being honest with myself, the most important person of all. OUCH! I wondered how this happened. I never saw it coming, even though it must have been with me all of my life.

I sure didn’t see it in the early years. Let me give you an example how I lied to myself;  I would tell myself that it was time to stop procrastinating and start exercising every day. So I would begin in a flurry. Nothing could stop me. I would find time no matter what to exercise. Then seemly out of the blue I would find one excuse after the other not to do it. I would say such things to myself as, “I will exercise tomorrow.” (First lie) Or “I will find more time next week.” (Second lie) Day after day would go by, yet I held onto the lies. I will start again soon! (Last lie) The reason I say last lie is somewhere along my journey I woke up.

Some people might even call it a spiritual awakening because of how deeply I came to understand the damage I was doing to my soul by lying to myself all the time. It seemed innocent enough in the beginning. After all, who would know that I promised myself not to eat anymore cheesecake until I lost 10 pounds? But I ate the cheesecake anyway; when I was only half way to my goal, telling myself I would only eat a couple of bites. You know what happened next! One lie was piled on top of another until one day I realized I could not trust your own word. I began to wonder, how long this had been going on. How long had I not been loyal to myself? When you really get it on this level, if you are an honest person, you change. You want to be a person you can trust and rely on. You want to live with integrity. That is what I did…I changed!

This one simple thing, not lying to yourself, will assist you to build a stronger foundation for your life and give you more self-esteem. What a wonderful trade off for simply telling yourself the truth. Once I realized I was not keeping my word to myself and I was lying about it, my life changed. I no longer let myself off the hook. I either do what I tell myself I will do or I don’t tell myself I will do it in the first place. Be strong enough to say, “You know what, I simply don’t want to do it.” No excuses or lies, simply honest. It takes practice to notice you are lying to yourself because it can be so very subtle. Start noticing your own self-talk. Being honest with yourself is a great first step to loving your life!

By Judith Geiger